Sing, man!

This is not a fancy discourse on worship. This is an attempt to break down an eternally complex issue into bite-sized pieces. It’s more birthed out of my struggles and questions as a worship leader than anything else. I hope it makes you reflect on how worthy our God is of life-altering, cross-bearing, pride-crushing, Christ-exalting worship.
Worship starts with the realization that we are created to worship. I don’t believe a person has ever existed who has not found an object, being, or person to worship. Man will worship the one true God or find a functional savior. This could be Buddha or an iphone. Before the Fall, Adam and Eve existed in a constant state of worship. They labored, laughed, sang, rested, created, made love, and relaxed in perfect God-glorifying worship. It was ceaseless, joyful worship to their Father. It’s an insight into what Heaven will be like. Some people have a hard time with many of the popular portrayals of Heaven with everybody turning into a chubby valentine floating on clouds singing all the time. I think Heaven will resemble life before sin. God’s kids totally enamored and captivated by the glory of the Father. No more functional saviors. No more idols.
But here we are here in the middle feeling the affect of sin every moment. Our worship to God is fragmented, distracted, and scarce. Our tasks are void of God-glorifying joy. Our hearts’ default is ingratitude. We box up the glory of God into a musical expression for 30 minutes on a sunday morning instead of letting it explode into every corner of our existence.
Yes, worship is far more than music. But what about that 30 minutes of music every week? Is that worship? Why do we do it? Why do we have to sing?
These are questions that I wrestle with often as a worship leader. There are so many exhortations in scripture to sing that it should go without saying that we should sing praises to God. The Book tells us to do it…we should do it. Still, I find that most Christians are blissfully ignorant of their need to worship God through song. We tend to view God’s presence the way an anorexic views food…we convince ourselves we don’t need it even when, in reality, we waste away without it. The corporate worship time is the time where the people of God stand together in their proclamation of the need for God and His unprecedented faithfulness.
Yet, there are still many who are reluctant to sing to Jesus. A lot of men say they don’t like to sing. This probably has more to do with the stupid way our culture has distorted the image of masculinity. I don’t know if any other guys can relate to this but I’ve always felt like singing is uncool. Ironically, every guy would love to be a rock star. So for guys, there is this constant pull to stand there during a worship service and watch everyone else sing. Does the guy who feels weird about singing to Jesus need to sing?
I would say…yes. Really, to me the issue isn’t singing. It’s usually a pride thing. Guys who refuse to participate in musical worship spend each service fighting God to preserve their pride. That’s a foolish fight, I’d say.
But honestly, that doesn’t bother me as a worship leader. I understand it. I feel it too. What bugs me is what’s being missed. My question for the person who stands emotionless during the music is “Do you know the Jesus we are singing about?”
The truth is that we forget our need and His goodness. It’s seen throughout the Old Testament. The people forget God’s goodness and the leader has to call them back to that fact. The leader reminds the people that the default is wickedness and the appropriate response is humility in repentance.
It’s partially my fault as a worship leader. I think one of the main responsibilities of a worship leader is to continue to prod the congregation with the Truth. Namely, that we need Jesus more than anything else in this life.
Here are some ways you can improve as a worshipper:
-Challenge yourself to get a bigger view of God’s glory. It will enhance your musical worship in profound ways.
-Dig into scripture. Let His words captivate you. If you are anything like me, you will feel like singing.
-Get your body involved in the worship experience. This is especially important when you don’t “feel” like it. The Psalms are chalked full of encouragement to respond to God in a physical way. Raise your hands, kneel, fall down prostrate, stand, dance. Something happens emotionally when you surrender your body in worship.
-View the corporate worship setting as faith training for “true worship” outside the church walls. Separating yourself from the mindset of “what will people think if…” in the corporate setting sets you up to follow God’s leading when he asks you to do something more bold. It builds faith to overcome that “what will people think” attitude.

 

Hope is the best surprise

I hate forwards. I very rarely read suggested articles even if someone rants and raves about them. But this morning, my older brother (who is home for the holidays) made me read an article he found on ESPN. I had no choice considering there is a foot of snow outside and nothing else to do…so I read it. I would suggest you read it too. Read it here.
There is no need for further comment. It says it all.
Merry Christmas.

 

Our hope, our strong deliverer

I have this thing with songs and settings and I’m sure you do too. You hear a song and it just takes you back to a moment. For me, if I hear any song off Jack Johnson’s “On and On” album, I think of a fishing trip to eastern Oregon with my family. If I hear Mariah Carey’s “You’ll always be my baby,” I think of the spring break where I recorded that song off the radio so I could listen to it on my walkman all the way to Hells Canyon and back (the embarrassment I feel over this is making my sunburned cheeks a shade brighter).
Leading worship has provided many opportunities to associate songs with settings that have changed my life. Take, for instance, Cold Fusion ’06 where singing “Revive Us” completely stopped our pursuit of God in recognition of His pursuit of us. Or singing “Til I see you,” in a small town hall building in Melrose Scotland and seeing teenage boys weep as they experienced “the greatest love that anyone could ever know” for the first time in their lives. I can’t sing these songs without images from these experiences flashing on the projector in my head. To experience these things gives me a joy that interrupts humdrum life.
I experienced something last week that will forever change the way I hear, sing, and lead the song “Everlasting God.” I have led this song many times and have always appreciated the sense of awe it inspires in worshipers. But I have a whole new appreciation for this song after a Monday night worship service at a Teen Challenge location on the outskirts of LA.
I was there playing guitar as a part of Portland Christian Center’s youth choir tour to southern California. This was one of the performances along the way and I had looked forward to it since the first time I saw the itinerary. I just knew it was going to be a powerful experience. We began our set and just couldn’t believe how engaged these 200 men were in their worship. They didn’t know the songs but they poured their worship out to the Father like Mary pouring perfume on Jesus.
We had found out earlier in the evening that the men in the audience would know a couple of the tunes that we would share and that they absolutely loved the song “Everlasting God.” When I started the song, I heard the words as if for the first time coming from these men who have lived for years bound by addictions that destroyed their lives. They sang:
Our God, He reigns forever.
With a shout from souls who have only known shame, humiliation, and torment they proclaimed:
Our hope, our strong deliverer.
I was a wreck. Bleary eyed, I watched them lift their voices to their strong Deliver. They knew the strength of God that crushed sin on a cross and they are living proof that His power is made perfect in our weakness.
I repented to Jesus for the many times that I have taken His rescue lightly. I repented of the times that I have led His people in His Praise without a reverent fear of His strength. I repented of thinking that my addictions and sin were any less destructive than those addicted to drugs and thus Jesus’ deliverance of my soul is any less shocking.
I still can’t comprehend His goodness towards sinners. His love never fails. His grace towards me is scandalous once again and I pray that it always would be.

 

4:30 a.m.; eyes open

I don’t spring break like I used to. Spring breaks in college were vastly different than they are now. No, my college spring breaks were not some MTV hedonistic tequilafest. I’m talking mainly about how my body breaks. The ability to sleep long into the day has escaped me. Yesterday was my first official day of break and I slothed around until 9:30. No alarm and my body wakes up at 9:30….sickening.
Knowing that this morning afforded all kinds of sleep in time, I allowed myself to watch a movie last night that lasted into the am. I fell into deep slumber smiling about the long hours of unconsciousness ahead of me.
Then, with seemingly no provocation, I awoke at 4:30. Wide awake, rested, and restless. I’d only slept for 4 hours but I could not fall back into sleep. Often when this happens I feel compelled to pray for something specific but this morning there was nothing burrowing in my brain…just stillness. I couldn’t lay in any longer so here I am. Pondering and typing in the pre-dawn darkness. (Songbirds start there day long before there is even a sliver of light in the sky)
When I was in college I remember thinking that people who got up early in the morning loved Jesus more than us slobs who lounged around in sweats all day and watched sports analysts rant on ESPN about an NFL season that is yet months away. In a way I think that is true still. Those who discipline themselves to awake and spend time with Jesus out of a humble heart of devotion still make me somewhat envious. But this waking up without an alarm when I could be sleeping in goes beyond that. It’s aging, not discipline.
I find myself wishing that spiritual growth came like aging…something unavoidable and continually pressing in on me. But it doesn’t happen. My response to God each day is sluggish at best. Often I forget that He has initiated new mercy with me with every sunrise and I feel the weight of trying to will myself into a conversation that began before my first conscious thought. This morning I am acutely aware of the Seeker and the fact that his pursuit of me NEVER ceases. I’ve got great big glorious questions to ponder as the sky outside turns from black to gray. What response is due to a love so pure? What offering could be pleasing to the One who offered all of himself to me? How astounding is His power? How ceaseless is his faithfulness?
“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”

 

The Bible, Obama, and my queasy feeling

I struggle with politics. I really struggle with how my faith should inform my political decisions. I believe that my faith in Jesus Christ as Savior should inform my political decisions but I often fail to see how politics and faith can coexist.
This struggle was stirred up today as I read an interview with Barack Obama in regards to his faith (read it here). In the interview, Obama describes his as “a deep faith,” and “a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.” But then he goes on to deny the existence of hell and says he is unsure he will go to heaven, says he’s comfortable with some of the teachings of the Bible and “isn’t so sure” about others, says that praying is talking to himself, and says that all religions worship the same God. For all intents and purposes, this isn’t Christianity at all but a syncretistic blend of secular humanism and universalism. I would submit that he is articulating the most prevalent worldview in America (and sadly, the Church). I believe that he will be our next president largely because of universal appeal, and our “American Idol”-crazed culture of popularity. This coupled with the fact that he is as “un-Bush” as you can get (this also is as popular as the latest fashion), he seems to be a formidable candidate for leader of the free world.
This obviously concerns me for a couple reasons. First, that he either has no backbone to articulate the faith represented in the Bible or worse, that he does not believe in faith in Jesus Christ as the means by which we are saved (from eternal hell). Second, his stance on faith seems as much to me a political football as his conservative/fundamentalist foes. This is the feeling I get whenever I hear a politician talk about their faith…either they are pounding the pulpit to pander to their conservative base or soothing the fears of religiously-gun-shy liberals (that wasn’t a reference to gun control). Both seem to be responding to the other rather than the issues.
This point is intensely upsetting. I adamantely believe that fundamentalists have hijacked faith and condensed all of our political decisions to two issues: abortion, and marriage; thereby ignoring all other aspects of civic life. It’s really frustrating because I believe those issues are of great importance but not at the expense of others (foreign policy, poverty issues, education, etc.). I believe that a lot of well-meaning Christians have pursued political office only to have their convictions compromised and their character corrupted. Further, my understanding of the Gospel and the Kingdom of God seems to fly in the face of political aspirations (he who desires greatness must become least). Thus, I am jaded to those who say that their desire to serve the country is based solely on altruism found in the Bible.
This all leads me to believe that “Hope for America” will never be found in a candidate…republican, democrat, or other. Too many American Christians believe that our response to the Gospel is simply to find a political leader to defend morality and hopefully change the culture. Jesus did not come as a political candidate (much to the chagrin of the people of Israel) but rather as a servant to the rejects and obscure. Can we take no cue from our Savior and say that perhaps the institution He came to establish, the Church, truly is the agent by which the world will be changed?

 

The mirror and the Cross

Sometimes I look in the mirror for longer than I should. I look at my eyes and notice how the color of the day changes the tone of blue. Eyes fascinate me. It is the first thing I notice in others and the characteristic of my face that I like most. I look at my skin and notice the crevices where my smile is already starting to leave lines; evidence of the profound happy memories that perpetuate the smile. I’m not afraid of wrinkles. I love the way my dad’s face looks when he smiles, the skin around his eyes folding into the familiar wrinkles and dimples. I can already see Dad’s lines forming on my face. I see the three days stubble and lament the need to shave. Surely facial hair was a product of the Fall. I see the receding hair line and the thinning spot that looks like a skullcap and wonder if there are any other hair styles that hide this malady. I notice the pimples and the hair that grows between my eye brows and out of my nose. I look in the mirror for longer than I should.
I’m not looking at a mirror right now; I am watching the cursor move from left to right with words chasing it. And though I am not looking at a mirror I can recall what I look like…the endearing characteristics and the substantiation of gravity. I know what I look like but I will still look in my car window as I climb in. I will still peak at myself when I adjust my mirrors. I will inconspicuously steal a glance of my reflection off of a store window as I walk by. I am not sure if it is vanity, curiosity, or boredom that makes me want to see myself but I do.
I don’t think I am alone in this though. I think humanity is obsessed with things that show us our likeness. I walked through the mall a few weeks ago and there was one of those booths where you could have your face embossed on a shirt or a mug or something…I can’t remember exactly. There is a video camera pointed at the foot traffic with a monitor showing what the camera sees. Almost invariably, shoppers would at least give a passing glance to the camera. Some would stare; others would make faces or obscene gestures. Whether we are proud of our appearance or ashamed of it, we are obsessed with it.
I was riding in the car with my dad last week and he listens to an old preacher named J. Vernon McGee on his iPod whenever he is in his car. McGee was talking about the Law of God and how it is a mirror. He said that the commands of God are perfect in showing us our spiritual appearance before a Holy God. By looking at God’s commands we are made aware of our great inability to fulfill those commands. In other words, we are confronted with our sin when we read and hear scripture. This point cannot be understated. It is an act of God’s grace that would allow us to see our need for change.
But McGee went on to say that a mirror is incapable of changing what it reflects. It reflects the truth. If you look at your reflection and see a smudge of dirt on your face, the mirror cannot reach out and wipe it off. And we are foolish to think that by merely seeing our spiritual reflection, we are made Holy. The Law is wholly incapable of reconciling us to God and is powerless to give us eternal life. Only faith in the blood of a perfect sacrifice (Jesus) can save us. The blood of Jesus not only cleanses us and sets us apart as righteous, it heals our brokenness.
In a few days Christians around the world will celebrate and remember what Jesus did on the cross. He became our wretchedness so that, as Calvin put it, the Father could have his kids back. I pray that God would reveal to all of us the need for the blood of Jesus to save us. I pray that the love of God in Christ would wreck me again. I pray that as I look into the mirror of his Word, I would be driven back to the foot of the cross desperate for the forgiveness that only He can give.

 

Not gay, just barely

So I was visiting a friends blog and an ad came up advertising a quiz to find out if you are gay or not. Initrigued (not so much because I question my sexuality…more because I wanted to find out what questions would tell me that information), I filled out my quiz. After answering 20 questions I was affirmed of my hetrosexual identity…barely. I scored a 42.5 percent which was not enough to tip the “gay scale” towards the pink.

I got a good laugh out of it but it also made me think. I know that the quiz was intended to be a joke (I hope) but if it were taken seriously, it would be an incredibly disturbing commentary on our culture. The questions spanned from why you go to a bar to how messy you are. No questions asked if I was attracted physically to men, which seems like the place to start in a survey to find out if I was homosexual. Does that seem absurd to anyone else? This survey implies that ones’ sexuality is found in how feminine or masculine a person is. I’ve been seeing this trend in our society to tell feminine men and masculine women that they are gay. If you are a guy and you drink an alcoholic beverage that has an umbrella in it…you must be gay. If you are a girl who gets competetive and has to bleach your mustache…you must be gay. It seems like social coercion to me. Our society convinces people that if you don’t conform to a certain mold of masculinity or femininity God must have made a mistake on you when it comes to your anatomy. When another one of my friends comes out of the closet, I am left wondering the affect of our societies’ influence on their decision. I want to understand but this seems so wacky to me.
I was an RA my junior year at Northwest. I had decided to take my guys through John Eldredge’s, “Wild at Heart,” with hopes that it would strengthen my men’s pursuit of God in their masculinity. After the third week’s discussion I had a profound talk with a very good friend who was on the floor and going through the book with us. He shared his growing sense of estrangement from “manly” men. He didn’t relate to the book’s assumption that all men would rather be hunting elk than shopping. He spoke of his upbringing and how his peers called him “gay” and a “fag” because he didn’t dress like them and didn’t share common interests. He was heavily involved in the drama department and was (and is) a phenomenal writer and musician. I walked away from our talk that night pondering this question, “does the Church affirm young men’s sexuality even if they are effeminate?”
This question has a profound impact on the way we approach the discussion of sexuality in the Church. If the Church is going to hold to the traditional teachings of scripture (all sexual activity outside of marriage is sin) we must learn to affirm young people in their sexual identity. Sadly, I have seen the people of God exclude and ridicule young people who are different and don’t fit the mold of traditional masculinity and femininity.
Donald Miller relates a story in “To Own A Dragon,” where he speaks to a group of college guys on the issue of what it takes to be a man. Instead of highlighting the importance of character and integrity (both necessary elements in becoming more Christlike), he chose a more literal way to answer the question. After having the guys guess what it takes, Don finally delivers his punchline…”what it takes to be a man is…(dramatic pause)…a penis. God has spoken…you are a man.” I remember reading that and thinking that could have a profound impact on many young men who are confused of their sexuality and gender assignment because of societies hard and fast rules on what masculinity is. For those of us men who find ourselves scoring more towards the pink on the quiz, this point is paramount in giving confidence to our identity.
I am burdened for the future of young men in particular. The future of the Church rests on their shoulders. Young guys who like to crochet and drink tea need to know that they are men and they don’t have to drink cheap beer and score with chicks to prove that they are a man. The Church needs to be a voice that affirms young people in their identity as children of God regardless of their hobbies and fashion preferences.
I guess I would like to encourage Christians to be concrete in their view of sexuality and sin but fluid in their definition of masculinity and femininity. We can encourage young people to be different and accept them even if they don’t fit societies mold. Honestly, it seems more scriptural to me to encourage the unique aspects of a persons personality rather than getting them to conform to a pattern the world has set (See Romans 12). In the hazy horizon of sexual issues in the Church, perhaps this discussion will bring some clarity.

 

Substitute Teaching…

So I am a substitute teacher. I woke up this morning thinking I was heading to Chehalis Middle School to be a P.E. teacher for a half day but here I am in Mossyrock teaching Spanish. Honestly, I couldn’t imagine a job that could fit me better for this season of my life (if only I got benefits!). Everyday is a new challenge. This week I have subbed for Middle School Band, Spanish, US History, and World History. The beauty of it all is that there is no work to grade at the end of the day so I usually hit the parking lot faster than most of the students.
By far my favorite thing about subbing is standing outside the door in between classes and watching the students. I hear their conversations and try to remember what it was like to be 17. It’s only been 8 years but it’s remarkable to me how hilarious and heartbreaking the conversations are that I hear. The incessant talk of boyfriends and girlfriends, the stories of band trips, the weekend party tales, the endless complaints about incompetent teachers. Most conversations I hear are trivial and funny but there have been some profound moments along the way as well. Like the kid who confessed to me that he has been cutting himself for 2 years but he didn’t think it was that big a deal because he didn’t do it as much as his older brother.
Regardless of what I hear, I am constantly aware of how much God loves these kids. Not because they are popular or skinny, or a stoner or a jock; He loves them because they are His. My heart can’t help but be broken as I watch them go through their days completely oblivious to the most revolutionary love the world has ever known.
I know I am here for a reason. I pray that God would open the eyes of their heart to His love. I pray that their search for an identity would end with Him. I pray that my words would reflect the heart of Jesus.

 

Denominations

The first thing I think about when I hear or see this word is, “necessary evil.” Denominations were probably not God’s first choice for how His bride would fulfill His call for her but like everything else He is taking something fractured and making it whole. I have never liked the idea of denominations and I am uncomfortable when I think of choosing one. But this week I have spoken to two close friends who I went to college with and who have landed in different denominations. One is a Baptist, and one is Assemblies of God. The Baptist friend feels like the theology of the denomination, while not exactly what he believes, closely fits his theological bent. The friend who has chosen the A/G feels like it is the organization that will give him the best structure to pursue his calling: foreign missions. They both feel a certain uneasiness with certain doctrinal statements of the denomination but have chosen based on the things they value. My friend, the Baptist, encouraged me to make my denominational selection on theology alone. For him, a denomination is theological. My friend, the A/G guy, views denominations as a tool to pursue your calling. This makes sense in his case considering the difficulty in getting on the missionfield and the success that the A/G has become known for in foreign missions. For him, a denomination is functional.
Then there are my non-denominational friends who don’t like the idea of denominations so they are choosing to attend or plant a church that supports this idea. I’ll have to admit, at first glance, this seems most appealing to me. In this structure, you are not tied into doctrine that you don’t like. You set your own rules. The organization is much more fluid and the beauracracy of mainline denominations is a distant memory. But for these appealing attributes to the non-denom idea, there are some serious difficiencies. First and foremost, accountability. Denominations provide a sort of checks and balances for sovereign churches and their pastors. When a non-denom church has no network of accountability, there is great danger. Second, the idea that the problems of the church will go away with the title of a denomination is downright foolish. I will be the first to admit that I hate church politics but the answer to the problem is not shedding denominational backing. Church politics comes down to pride which is a result of the Fall. You will find jockeying for the approval of church leaders in every church you encounter. Some pastors see this problem and deal with it while others just appreciate the ego-boost. There is an advantage in the non-denom idea in this case in that church politics is confined to the local church and you don’t have pastors vying for district and national positions of leadership.
I have grown up in the A/G but have never felt married to it. I attended an A/G liberal arts university and was further convinced that there was a snowballs chance in hell that I would end up A/G. But last year I had some serious conversations with A/G leaders in my network and was greatly encouraged to know that they too were feeling similarly to me; that they were wrestling through if this denomination was a sinking ship worth saving. They have encouraged me to stay in this fellowship to be an advocate for change rather than bailing out and letting the ship sink.
With all of this, I am fascinated why people are in the denominations they are in. Some have labored over the decision for years and others have never given it a second thought. I guess I will always be processing and trying to learn how Jesus would want us to do church in our day.

 

“I’ve had enough…I’m leaving.”

It seems that everywhere I turn these days I am faced with another friend or loved one who is leaving their local church. The reasons are as wide as style and as deep as doctrine and have a stream of bitterness running through it all. Their concerns with their local church are not completely unfounded and yet I find myself cringing each time I hear that they are looking for a new church or giving up on the idea of church completely.
Perhaps one of the reasons I am particularly sensitive to this trend is the recent unintentional church plant from my local church (I prefer this terminology as opposed to the decidedly violent “church split”). Families that have been part of our local church family no longer call our church home and it makes for awkward encounters at the supermarket. I miss many of them dearly.
I spent most of my college years convinced that the American way of doing church needed to die a quick death in order for the Gospel to continue to go forth in power. My eyes darted to find idols of unbiblical tradition in established churches, my ears itched to hear the echoes of legalism and condemnation, and my heart was quick to judge any pastor who did not have the same vision of change for the church as I did (or the authors I read). I was critical. I was impatient. Really, I was foolish.
It’s not that these issues are not huge problems in the church today; they are. It’s just that my critical spirit did nothing for the Kingdom of God. If my ideas (I can’t bring myself to call it “vision”) would have been implemented into a given church it would have been the trading of an old bad idea for a new bad idea. My ideas were based on the premise that I knew what was right for the church and the pastors did not. Not at all coincidentally, I never attended a church for more than 6 months in college.
Coming home to the church that I grew up in and finding it in such an identity crisis has forced me to make hard decisions about the local church. Granted, there are things that I would like to change in my church; it’s part of my calling. Yet I find myself praying for the patience and the right attitude to see that change affected in a way that honors God and blesses my pastor. Perhaps the idealism and naivety of my college ideas have finally begun to be tempered with the love that Christ gives us for the broken, even when that means the broken who are already in the pews.
With the wide array of churches within driving distance, many can’t see the problem with moving to the church where the pastor “preaches the WORD!” or finding a church with electric guitars in worship. Whatever the case may be, the thought that we can leave our spiritual family without damaging that family is simply not the Gospel. And problems in the church are not a new thing. A good deal of the New Testament is devoted to God healing broken churches. Nowhere in those letters is the advice, “You had better leave this group, they are way too messed up!” (the Corinthian church probably could have warranted this kind of message) On the contrary, on several occasions the church is told to band together in unity when trials come.
There is no doubt that the church is broken; the evidence is as subtle as gossip and as obvious as sex scandals on the news. But God is in the business of taking broken and filthy things and making them beautiful. I believe, perhaps more now than ever before, that He could do that in our churches. His blood covers not just our sins individually but covers us as a body. Our purity is in tact because we are His Beloved.
He will not give up on His bride, no matter how dirty the dress gets.