So I was visiting a friends blog and an ad came up advertising a quiz to find out if you are gay or not. Initrigued (not so much because I question my sexuality…more because I wanted to find out what questions would tell me that information), I filled out my quiz. After answering 20 questions I was affirmed of my hetrosexual identity…barely. I scored a 42.5 percent which was not enough to tip the “gay scale” towards the pink.

I got a good laugh out of it but it also made me think. I know that the quiz was intended to be a joke (I hope) but if it were taken seriously, it would be an incredibly disturbing commentary on our culture. The questions spanned from why you go to a bar to how messy you are. No questions asked if I was attracted physically to men, which seems like the place to start in a survey to find out if I was homosexual. Does that seem absurd to anyone else? This survey implies that ones’ sexuality is found in how feminine or masculine a person is. I’ve been seeing this trend in our society to tell feminine men and masculine women that they are gay. If you are a guy and you drink an alcoholic beverage that has an umbrella in it…you must be gay. If you are a girl who gets competetive and has to bleach your mustache…you must be gay. It seems like social coercion to me. Our society convinces people that if you don’t conform to a certain mold of masculinity or femininity God must have made a mistake on you when it comes to your anatomy. When another one of my friends comes out of the closet, I am left wondering the affect of our societies’ influence on their decision. I want to understand but this seems so wacky to me.
I was an RA my junior year at Northwest. I had decided to take my guys through John Eldredge’s, “Wild at Heart,” with hopes that it would strengthen my men’s pursuit of God in their masculinity. After the third week’s discussion I had a profound talk with a very good friend who was on the floor and going through the book with us. He shared his growing sense of estrangement from “manly” men. He didn’t relate to the book’s assumption that all men would rather be hunting elk than shopping. He spoke of his upbringing and how his peers called him “gay” and a “fag” because he didn’t dress like them and didn’t share common interests. He was heavily involved in the drama department and was (and is) a phenomenal writer and musician. I walked away from our talk that night pondering this question, “does the Church affirm young men’s sexuality even if they are effeminate?”
This question has a profound impact on the way we approach the discussion of sexuality in the Church. If the Church is going to hold to the traditional teachings of scripture (all sexual activity outside of marriage is sin) we must learn to affirm young people in their sexual identity. Sadly, I have seen the people of God exclude and ridicule young people who are different and don’t fit the mold of traditional masculinity and femininity.
Donald Miller relates a story in “To Own A Dragon,” where he speaks to a group of college guys on the issue of what it takes to be a man. Instead of highlighting the importance of character and integrity (both necessary elements in becoming more Christlike), he chose a more literal way to answer the question. After having the guys guess what it takes, Don finally delivers his punchline…”what it takes to be a man is…(dramatic pause)…a penis. God has spoken…you are a man.” I remember reading that and thinking that could have a profound impact on many young men who are confused of their sexuality and gender assignment because of societies hard and fast rules on what masculinity is. For those of us men who find ourselves scoring more towards the pink on the quiz, this point is paramount in giving confidence to our identity.
I am burdened for the future of young men in particular. The future of the Church rests on their shoulders. Young guys who like to crochet and drink tea need to know that they are men and they don’t have to drink cheap beer and score with chicks to prove that they are a man. The Church needs to be a voice that affirms young people in their identity as children of God regardless of their hobbies and fashion preferences.
I guess I would like to encourage Christians to be concrete in their view of sexuality and sin but fluid in their definition of masculinity and femininity. We can encourage young people to be different and accept them even if they don’t fit societies mold. Honestly, it seems more scriptural to me to encourage the unique aspects of a persons personality rather than getting them to conform to a pattern the world has set (See Romans 12). In the hazy horizon of sexual issues in the Church, perhaps this discussion will bring some clarity.