I don’t spring break like I used to. Spring breaks in college were vastly different than they are now. No, my college spring breaks were not some MTV hedonistic tequilafest. I’m talking mainly about how my body breaks. The ability to sleep long into the day has escaped me. Yesterday was my first official day of break and I slothed around until 9:30. No alarm and my body wakes up at 9:30….sickening.
Knowing that this morning afforded all kinds of sleep in time, I allowed myself to watch a movie last night that lasted into the am. I fell into deep slumber smiling about the long hours of unconsciousness ahead of me.
Then, with seemingly no provocation, I awoke at 4:30. Wide awake, rested, and restless. I’d only slept for 4 hours but I could not fall back into sleep. Often when this happens I feel compelled to pray for something specific but this morning there was nothing burrowing in my brain…just stillness. I couldn’t lay in any longer so here I am. Pondering and typing in the pre-dawn darkness. (Songbirds start there day long before there is even a sliver of light in the sky)
When I was in college I remember thinking that people who got up early in the morning loved Jesus more than us slobs who lounged around in sweats all day and watched sports analysts rant on ESPN about an NFL season that is yet months away. In a way I think that is true still. Those who discipline themselves to awake and spend time with Jesus out of a humble heart of devotion still make me somewhat envious. But this waking up without an alarm when I could be sleeping in goes beyond that. It’s aging, not discipline.
I find myself wishing that spiritual growth came like aging…something unavoidable and continually pressing in on me. But it doesn’t happen. My response to God each day is sluggish at best. Often I forget that He has initiated new mercy with me with every sunrise and I feel the weight of trying to will myself into a conversation that began before my first conscious thought. This morning I am acutely aware of the Seeker and the fact that his pursuit of me NEVER ceases. I’ve got great big glorious questions to ponder as the sky outside turns from black to gray. What response is due to a love so pure? What offering could be pleasing to the One who offered all of himself to me? How astounding is His power? How ceaseless is his faithfulness?
“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”

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